


Stagnant Water

by Elliekat



Category: Free!
Genre: Depression, Introspection, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 17:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7583803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliekat/pseuds/Elliekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why Haru didn't show up on the first day of school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stagnant Water

**Author's Note:**

> me: watches the Starting Days pool scene
> 
> me: let's write something fuckin sad 
> 
> But really though, Haruka is so obviously depressed in the first season and there is so little out there that explores it. Especially with the movie to show just how different he is, I needed to write something about it. There's a tiny bit of what may be considered suicidal ideation in here so if you're really sensitive to that, here is your warning. Thanks for reading!

Not even the crisp spring air, carrying the scent of flowers and the ocean through the house, could get Haru out of bed on the first day of school.

Everything had felt flat and dead for years now. Only Makoto was usually able to get him to do anything, and even then only about half of the time. Apart from the time he spent with his best friend, Haru robotically completed the daily cycle of going to school, going home, eating, and sitting in the bathtub as long as humanly possible. Living apart from his parents, Haru probably wouldn't have even kept going to school if Makoto hadn't come over to pick him up every morning. And there were certainly times where he went straight into the bath without eating, no matter how much Makoto chided him.

Sometimes he selfishly wished that Makoto would live with him and always be around, but of course Makoto's life was so different. He had a family to take care of, other friends to socialize with, and energy to do all of it. The thought of him ignoring the rest of his life just to take care of Haru was appealing to his selfish side at first, but ultimately made him want to sink into the bath water and never come out. 

Haru felt like a leech more and more often around Makoto these days, as the world around him seemed to grow duller by the day. Makoto spent too much of his time taking care of Haru, who could barely give anything in return. He wanted to push him away, tell him to stop wasting his time, but also keep him close. Makoto was the only person who hadn't left him behind yet, unlike his parents. And he was the only one Haru hadn't managed to destroy yet, unlike Rin.

He hadn't even been able to bring himself to get into the bath on the first day of his second year. They weren't going to do anything important so he didn't need to waste his time, he thought. Or at least, he wanted to believe that. His body down to his soul felt heavy, and he knew he would probably stay in bed most of the day. Makoto would worry, but that's why he wasn't in the bath. Makoto would pull him out of the water if he found him in there, but he couldn't do anything if Haru was buried under a pile of blankets on his futon. 

As if summoned by Haru's thoughts, the sound of the back door opening echoed through the house. "Haru, it's time for school!" Makoto called, his voice muffled by the walls between them. Haru curled tighter into his blanket. It was only a matter of time before Makoto found him, and his stomach tightened. He knew Makoto would be sad to see him this way, but he just couldn't do it today. 

"Haru?" came Makoto's voice, a bit closer this time. "Where are you..." Of course he had looked in the bath first. It was actually a rare occasion that Haru wasn't in the bath during a free moment like this. 

Suddenly he realized his heart was beating quickly in his chest, and he willed it to stop. It's just Makoto, he thought, you don't have to be ashamed. Really though, the rational side of him pointed out, what the hell are you even doing, making Makoto run around your house on your whims? He doesn't deserve a best friend like you. Maybe this year he will make a new friend, and finally be free of you. 

Before he could dwell too much on those thoughts, his bedroom door slowly opened behind him. "Haru-chan..." Makoto's voice turned low and gentle as he stopped next to the futon to lay a hand on Haru's shoulder.

"Stop it with the -chan," Haru whispered, barely able to force the words past the sudden lump in his throat. Why couldn't Makoto just be angry at him for being such a drag for once? Why did he always have to keep treating Haru with such patience, that he didn't deserve in the slightest? 

"Sorry, Haru. You should come to school today," Makoto said. He sounded so concerned, Haru felt his heart throb. But he knew Makoto already knew he wasn't coming, whether he said it out loud or not. He curled his body a little tighter, drawing himself completely under the blanket. Makoto's hand on his shoulder was gentle and warm even through the layers of fabric. 

"Come over for dinner tonight at least? Ran and Ren will want to tell you about their new classes," Makoto said as he rubbed at Haru's shoulder gently. 

Haru squeezed his eyes shut. "I'll think about it, he murmured. Makoto would definitely come over later after seeing him like this, anyways. Haru wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but he might be amenable to being dragged out of the house if it was Makoto insisting on it. And if their destination was a comforting family dinner rather than school. 

"Feel better soon, Haru-chan," Makoto said, releasing his shoulder. But they both knew Haru wasn't really sick, not physically at least. Makoto pretended not to notice the sheer number of times he had found Haru like this lately, or maybe he just didn't want to mention it. He had been coming over increasingly often after the time he had found Haru asleep in the bath, which may or may not have been intentional on Haru's part. Haru didn't even know for sure himself, to be honest. 

He loved Makoto. There was no doubt about that. He never wanted to hurt him, but he couldn't help but feel like he was hurting him anyways just by being around. Haru's problems seemed to hang like a cloud over him whenever he went out in public, but Makoto was the only one who he burdened with them.

Haru closed his eyes again as soon as he heard Makoto leave the house for good. Maybe when I become ordinary, he'll finally realize he doesn't need to do this, he thought. In the meantime, I'll take what I'm given.


End file.
